Neither Here Nor There

I want to break open the ocean, drink every last drop and sway in the salty breath of old wind.

I want to hold the cold waves like a blanket and cling to the spray that crashes on sharp rocks.

I want to find myself...

And then I want to get lost.

I want to sit in the heat of the desert, sweat dripping and pooling around me.

I want to bake in the sun and sigh with relief when a breeze exhales across the dirt.

I want to learn the difference between isolation and solitude.

I want to get quiet.

I want to climb and fall.

I want to grow and shrink.

I want to summit and descend.

I want to hold my breath and plunge into cold, dark water.

I want to sit in silence, soaking up the sun.

I want to lay in the depths of who I am, what I have done and what I was created for.

I want to meditate....

But I want to become rushing water, spilling over onto the edges of my life.

I want blazing heat and searing cold.

I want silence while I scream.

I want to inhale while I exhale.

I want to race while I rest.

I want to hug the midline... allowing myself to be neither here nor there.

I want to be in everything, but not of everything.

I want to stop needing people to define me.

I am living on the threshold.

I am saturated in everything liminal.

Right now, just as I am, liminal is enough.

*July 2012